stop, look, and listen

Mmmmmm music...


Listening to this shit...HELLA GOOD:

The Pharcyde - Runnin' (Philippians RMX)

"can't keep runnin i just gotta keep keen and cunnin"

Can't keep runnin' away.  I feel like I've been running away from myself at times lately.  Looking to false reflections and projections of what I should be.  (Does that make sense?)  Trying to take a step back and look in the mirror, remember and embody.  Hm....YES old work reminding me of my inspirations and rootedness. Writing from real places as transformative, performing in supportive spaces as healing.


Seems like as our resources continue to get attacked, from all sides, we need to continue to organize ourselves to realize what our needs are.  What do we needandwant to be doing everyday, and what kind of support do we need to get there?  I guarantee that the resources that are being cut affect our extended communities in many ways-- this is about the HEALTH of each other, not just physical health, but also of our minds, souls, spirits.  To ensure that we can live the lives we want to live. Realize ourselves so we can (re)create our globalocal communities.


Graduated from school last year, and I'm looking around me as my priorities now reflect more and more who and what I'm trying to be.  My extended home is calling me back, and I'm trying to dismantle the versions of "success" I'm looking up to so I can bring myself to where I need to be.


remember when we were taught to stop, look and listen?  yeaaa, takin a step back and learning how to do that...


One of my favs to perform, I think my name becomes something of a mantra through the piece...titled SHRUTI BALA PURKAYASTHA.

~~

Shruti Bala Purkayastha.
My parents named me a name
that can’t be pronounced.
the
shhh…and the rrruuu of my first name

make American tongues spin with confusion-

like a gay girl tryna fuck straight boys

the positions are unnatural.

Decatur, Illinois taught me right quick.

that

my name had to be Shrudi

Shrudi is my name of the Midwest.

A land where life goes slower and th’s get harder

a country that raised my mind

and shaped my tongue

cuz see

I never knew what to say when I said my name

my Midwestern accent would

punch holes in the fabric of my name

or my

overcompensating Indian accent

would make my name run away

like a tractor in a country road

and I hated my name.

My parents gave it to me

and I hated the shit I

went through every time I had to explain

Shrudi is my name

my real name

and no it’s not Judy

and no it’s not Rudy

and no that’s not short for anything

and yes that is my real fuckin name.

See

I was pissed

because

my parents’ names are Sidd and Sue

Sue and Sidd

so unfair.

victims of assimilation,

they live in an America where

Su-jathas couldn’t be real teachers

and Sidd-harthas only got jobs as “research scientists”

if they were ready to stay right there for 25 years

one PhD one MBA

one lab one desk

one dream of America

rotting in a Petri dish.

Sue and Sidd were friendly

for the mouths of their higher-ups and friends

and my name was mean ugly

I mean for real,

I’m now

used to raising my hand in roll-call

when teachers pause

“Shhhhhhhhherrrrrr….hooooooooh booooooyyyy….”

yup, that’s me,

Shruti Bala Purkayastha

I was

given a name that was nothing but brown.

8 syllables long

20 letters to write

infinite in meaning and history.

my name taught me that I was culture

I was culture and

I was culture in a cultureless land.

my name has been my daily struggle

foreign to my own naturalized tongue

too conscious of where it rolls

my tongue became my enemy

in territory I owned but

have trouble navigating.

Shrudi Shrutti Shruti.

Shruti.

Musical harmony—

element that creates

beauty out of notes

Worlds out of

music and god.

That which is heard.

and the knowledge that we have been

blessed with

from past worlds and future truths.

Bala.

a young girl

but for real

an homage to

my mother’s dance teacher

balasaraswati

the last living devadasi temple dancer

ensuring that my fate 

would be secured in my Feet

Purkayastha

my father’s

father’s

father’s

father’s

my family lineage

that I’ll keep as a woman

a woman who’s got shit

a woman who owns herself

Shrudi Shrutti Shruti

Bala Purkayastha

~~


LOVES